The 5 Stages of Owning a Labrador Puppy (And Yes, Denial Is First)

"Nobody warns you about the real stages of bringing home a Labrador puppy. Denial kicks in first — surely your Lab will be the calm one. Then comes bargaining, anger over destroyed belongings, and finally, sweet acceptance. Spoiler: stage five is full-blown obsession, and there's no coming back. Sound familiar? You're in good company."

Nobody tells you the truth about Labrador puppies before you get one. People say things like 'they're so sweet' and 'Labs are great family dogs' and 'you're going to love it.' All true. All wildly incomplete.

Here are the five stages every new Lab owner goes through. We've been through all of them. Sometimes in the same afternoon.

Stage 1: Denial

This is the stage where you believe your Lab puppy will be different. Calm. Well-behaved. An exception to every Lab stereotype you've heard.

Bear looked so peaceful in his crate on day one. We thought we had it figured out. We did not have it figured out.

Stage 2: Bargaining

This is where you make deals with your puppy. 'If you stop chewing the baseboards, I'll buy you a new toy.' 'If you sleep past 5am, I'll give you an extra treat.'

The puppy does not honor these agreements. The puppy has no concept of agreements. The puppy just wants the baseboards.

Stage 3: Anger

Something you loved has been destroyed. A shoe, a book, a throw pillow that took you three weeks to pick out. You look at your puppy. Your puppy looks back at you with the most innocent eyes you have ever seen in your life.

You cannot stay angry. This is by design.

Stage 4: Acceptance

This is when things get good. You stop fighting the chaos and start flowing with it. You buy duplicate socks. You put the good shoes in the closet. You learn to find the chewed remote kind of charming.

Abby destroyed an entire throw pillow in the time it took me to make coffee. I took a photo of her sitting in the fluff and I still look at it when I need a smile.

Stage 5: Obsession

You're now posting puppy content. You follow seventeen Lab accounts. You have begun referring to yourself as their parent in all seriousness. You cannot imagine life without the chaos.

Welcome. There is no going back. And you wouldn't want to.